How to Save a Marriage

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When looking to save a marriage you have to realise that no matter what I say, how many books you read, how many forums you join or whatever form of marriage counselling you choose there is only one person that has the power to save your marriage and that one person is YOU.

Obviously you can’t control your partner and you don’t always have the ability change their behaviour but you do have control over how you choose to respond. If you think about the theory that children from abusive families become abusers themselves then it is easier to understand that the way you react to your partner will have a direct impact on your relationship and how you respond to each other. If you continually yell at your children or continually hit your dog more often than not they will just become immune, learn to accept it and still do what they want anyway. The same in a marriage, if your first response is attack then that forms the basis of a continuing process that can spiral out of control.

If your partner is out to rile you but they don’t get the reaction they are expecting then the odds are they will give up or a least calm down a lot quicker. If you choose to discuss and issue on the back of a row what are the odds that you will sort the issue out? Next to none, when tempers are running high it is far more difficult to see someone else’s point of view with each partner seeing who can shout the loudest in order to be heard. The net result is to achieve a step backwards, with each partner even more frustrated, than a step forwards. That leads us to another golden rule that needs to be applied if you want to save a marriage: if you have an issue you want to resolve, only discuss it when you both have time, and are in calm, receptive moods and never try and throw something into the pot on the back of an argument.

And at the end of the day you even have the power to control an argument. Your spouse needs you to be involved, if you choose not to be, instead opting to talk to them once they have calmed down, what are the chances of an argument unless they decide to argue with themselves!!

 Author: Terry Ross

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