Surviving Infidelity

Finding out that your partner has had or is having an affair can be absolutely devastating and leave you emotionally drained, hurt or downright angry.

The early days are the worst, when you've just caught the cheating spouse or you have been first hit with the news and as you struggle to come to terms with the fact that, for some reason, you have been unable to meet your partner’s needs, that perhaps they no longer love you and that your marriage may have come to the end of the road.

People react in totally different ways with reactions as extreme as cutting their partners balls off, shredding their clothes or destroying the marital home. Whatever happens, it’s usually an immediate knee jerk reaction to what is usually totally life changing event.

Surviving infidelity is an upward struggle as you cope with the initial hurt, try to put some meaning to what has happened and gather your thoughts together as to how to move forward.

The ‘wronged’ partner will have so many unanswered questions such as when, why, do you love them and just plain ‘what did I do wrong’.

Trying to find your way through the minefield can be such a struggle with the ‘cheating spouse’ often reluctant to face up to the problem, unwilling to answer questions and often at a stage where they are ready to throw the marriage away and just walk out.

Emotional feelings run high on both sides with one partner totally at a loss as to understand why such a thing should happen to them and the other full of guilt and sometimes relieved that they have been found out. The greatest harm is to marriages where one partner didn’t even have the slightest clue that something was wrong.

Surviving infidelity can take you down one of two paths. You either throw it all away or you work through the whys, what’s and wherefores, try to find a meaning to it all, learn from the experience and save your marriage.

Initially you will both need a cooling off period. It will serve no purpose to jump straight on in there demanding answers or begging and pleading for your partner to stop the affair. When emotions run high people often tend to dig their feet in, scream and shout, fail to listen and generally ignore each others feelings.

Surviving infidelity, particularly if you want to save your marriage means whatever you feel in those early days you need to back off, give each other some space to work it out in your own minds before confronting the issue. Surviving infidelity can be such an emotional roller coaster, you really must give yourselves time for the initial hurt to subside before taking any steps which will map out the whole of your future.

So often a relationship can be saved with the right marriage advice , learning to communicate and understanding how to rebuild the trust.

Author: Terry Ross